Lazy Day Denial
by Simon the Duck
Summary: A Saturday afternoon talk between Richie and Virgil...with a side serving of VR slash?


** Title**: Lazy Day Denial  
**Summary**: "If you could do it with any member of the Justice League, who would it be?"  
**Genre**: Humour  
**Pairing**: Virgil/Richie…sorta.  
**Warning**: I'm not a fanfiction writer (and not an expert on the Justice League, either) so I'm not very good. But between this and drawing doodles in English 375, I chose Virgil and Richie. I'm too embarrassed to post it to the gas station on livejournal.

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"Hey, Rich, if you could do it with any member of the Justice League, who would it be?" Virgil asked languidly, sprawled on a familiar blue bed, legs dangling and swinging over the side. He was throwing the pillow that smelled of Richie's generic shampoo (which Virgil considered the greatest shampoo ever simply because it was used by said Richie) up and down. Why do this? Well, because he was bored out of his skull to be honest - Richie'd said he was too, which was why he was digging through his closet searching for a misplaced box of comic favourites that they could read together. 

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon. An unusual Saturday afternoon – no police warnings, no homework, no chores…The kind of day Virgil had been praying for for months, yet now that it was here he'd give almost anything for something significant to _do_. 'Guess life's like that,' he reflected, 'nobody's ever satisfied.'

He could smell the cool air blowing in through the window – fresh, kinda smelled like Richie did. The birds were making noise. The wind chimes of the neighbours were making noise. While both were okay to a point, now it had just gotten annoying and he thought he'd much rather hear Richie talk. It was probably why he had asked him such a lame conversation question, Virgil figured, but he couldn't take it back now it had been said.

Still no answer? Perhaps he hadn't heard him. 'Oh well.' With a heavy sigh he peered around the room. Aha! Maybe Richie would let him play his guitar! Last time he'd done it his friend had told him it was like a cat in a blender, but hey - practice made perfect. However, before he could ask the voice finally came out, muffled as the head was still in the closet.

"Do what with?"

At this Virgil blushed, then managed his trademark pouty look, sending the only part of Richie he could see (a backside waving back and forth slightly) telepathic waves of: 'Don't act like you haven't gone through puberty, bro.' They were all aware of the embarrassing stories. Like that time Richie had slept over and in the morning had tried to sneak to the laundry room to wash his sheets without anyone noticing and ran into Sharon who was trying to wash _her_ sheets without anyone noticing and it was all one big situation neither wanted to remember or mention ever again.

"You know. _It_." It with a capital 'I'.

His homeboy turned around finally, a bit breathless as he'd been reaching over boxes and clothes, moving them out in piles trying to get access to a corner. Didn't seem to have been a successful effort yet, because he flopped down bonelessly onto a clothes pile, brushing imaginary dust specs off his blue hoodie. He pushed up his glasses and stared at him. "Ohhhhhhhh..._it_." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Why who would _you_ do it with?"

"Well...Wonder Woman, I guess." Virgil cringed at how pathetic he sounded; as if he'd pulled the name out of the blue. Truth be told he hadn't really thought about what _he_ would say. Damn, his plans always backfired to kick him right in the behind.

"Wonder Woman?" – a slightly cringy tone at that. "Not Green Lantern?" Richie asked, turning around to his job again. Lord, how much stuff did the kid _keep_ in his closet? No wonder his room was so clean. Wait, wait a second – Green Lantern? Virgil stiffened. Where the heck had _that _come from? He couldn't see Richie's face so he couldn't read his expression. Was he kidding? 'Either way, just roll with it, Virgil, go with the flow.' Staying calm would keep his own secret safe and sound, while an outburst would make Richie suspicious. Or make the other boy think he was homophobic – neither option he wanted.

"And what makes you think I would do it with GL?" he managed to sound out as normally as possible.

"Umm...maybe the fact that you idolize him so much? No offence, V, but I've never heard you wax poetic about Wonder Woman's hotpants."

"They're very _nice_ hotpants," protested the African-American, "although they're more like panties or a… bathing suit, but I never said-"

"You give him nicknames," Richie continued, "you record most of his appearances on the news, you cut out all his newspaper articles and hide them in a book you think no one knows about, you have a 1024 x 768 version of him on your computer desktop, you talk about naming your future dog-"

"Okay, okay, I get it. Geez." Man, Richie sounded like a jealous girlfriend. Funny how he managed to do that sometimes... "But no, he's way too old." Richie looked out of his closet again and peered speculatively back at him as if trying to figure out some complex problem. 'What?' he glared back. What had he expected him to say? Wait a mo'...this wasn't Richie's way of trying to tell him he thought he had certain… inclinations, was it? Virgil's hands clenched the pillow and he swallowed. 'Am I _that_ obvious?'

'Maybe he's trying to tell me he knows I know he's into dudes thus making his statement totally typical and not about me at all.' All this thought was starting to boggle Virgil's mind. Whatever was happening, it probably made sense in Richie's brain. Nowadays who knew the various things going on in that head at the same time? No sixteen year old should have all that brain activity at once - it worried him. Okay, being honest, it made him a bit jealous.

"Well, it's not that he isn't a great guy. He definitely keeps in shape…he's honourable, good-looking…" Virgil shrugged. He knew even though Richie had turned away _once again_ he knew the other boy could sense the shrug. Man, this sucked – these kinds of conversations should not be happening if they weren't happening face to face.

"How about Flash?"

Virgil snorted. "Oh _puh-leeze_, sex with him would last all of what - 10 seconds? Talk about major rug burns…"

"Hahaha, he has a point." Silence for another moment. "...Don't kill me for saying this, but - Aquaman?"

Virgil laughed again, suddenly turning from his back onto his side bouncily and sporting a huge grin. "Hey, what do you call a bunch of guys in a submarine?"

"Virg, that's totally not how the joke goes. Not if you were intending the answer to be seamen as opposed to 'Navy cadets'. Aha, I found it!" he gave a triumphant little squeal, pulling the cardboard box out. "You know I bet I have that one issue in here - the one where Plant Man's best friend gets caught by that band of androgynous bandits and ends up questioning everything he thought he knew about his sexuality - collector's edition." He stared at Virgil with a naughty grin, grabbing the first comic from the collection and peering into it after carefully opening the tape on the bag and sliding it gently into his sweater to prevent fingerprintage. Virgil saw it was the issue where Plant Man got amnesia and frowned.

"Hardy har har, Mr.-washed-up-Eddie-Murphy." He made his voice higher to sound like Sharon, using one of her popular quotes, "I'll have you know I don't gotta question anything, girlfriend, I'm _down_ with _mahself_." Richie cracked up.

"Okay okay, I was kidding!"

"Don't quit your night job."

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, then. What about Hawkgirl?"

Virgil shrugged, "Meh, she's okay. I suppose I wouldn't have to ask to borrow the car anymore to get to the movies."

"Uh, Virg, you _still _don't drive."

"_Whatever_!"

Richie thumbed through the pages tenderly. "What about Lantern's girl – Vixen or whatever her name is?"

"…you know the whole 'nails in the back in the heat of the moment' thing? Yeah…not too fond of that idea. Listen, bro, why aren't you naming any people for _yourself_. I asked first!" he griped like a first-grader.

Richie looked thoughtful, and shrugged his shoulders casually. "I'd probably say Superman, because he's reliable, nice, strong, moral. You know, all those good things."

"But dude, wouldn't he like…kill you during _it_? I mean, I'd be a bit afraid of the whole crushing me or the shooting through me thing."

"Oh, eww…" The boy became paler and winced. "Well, Batman then – if he was a girl, I mean. Though he doesn't strike me as the kind of person who has sex very often." The darker boy mentally slapped himself. 'If he was a girl – why didn't _I_ think of saying that?' "Would you do it with J'onn?"

"Isn't he more _your_ type, Richie? Being green and all?"

"V, not to say green is a bad colour, but I don't exactly wanna go back to the 50 identical sweaters phase. ("Hey, I _liked_ those," Virgil interjected.) Kinda sick of the green here." Suddenly, it was as if a light bulb flicked on above Richie's head and he looked up at his partner in crime fighting, his brown eyes twinkling mischievously. Tossing Plant Man aside, he hopped up and plopped himself down Buddha-style on the bed beside Virgil's knees, looking down at his companion contemplatively. "Hey, Virg?"

"Yeah?"

"_You're_ a future member of the Justice League, right?"

"Yeah."

"And you said…" Richie's hand had placed itself gently on Virgil's thigh and Virgil could swear he felt the touch tingle all the way through the baggy pants to his skin and even under it, "I could do it with _any_ member of the Justice League meaning past, present, and future?" Oh, lorda mercy the hand was moving up to the orange sweater and further still - under the pillow clenched in a death grip by dark fingers until it came to rest over the heart that was beating consecutively faster and faster. Virgil tensed, trying to somehow shrink himself deeper into the mattress nervously.

"Y-yeah."

Richie moved closer still, until the superhero could feel the other's slim body pressing against his own trembling one, a leg between his own, and he could feel the hot breath on his face…sweet like that toothpaste he used – the flavoured stuff that tasted like orange and that Virgil didn't understand why he used because he figured it would be like drinking orange juice after brushing. His other hand had found its way up into his dreads, twisting them into a firm grip, and he was tilting his head slightly and Virgil parted his lips, moving up a bit, and -

Abruptly, the blond moved away with a wicked semi-smile, leaving Virgil cold and agape. "Well, then, all things considered, I'd have to say Wonder Woman as well."

If life was a cartoon, it would have been Static's most undignified facevault; huge sweatdrop and all. "I mean, because this is all hypothetical of course, and any other person would be a bit strange, or at least the guys would be," Richie said, gathering Plant Man back into its bag and tossing it up to Virgil.

"Right, I-I mean, that's what I think too," Virgil composed himself, "because we're normal and stuff and that guy thing would be just weird."

"Right. And her hotpants are nice, aren't they?"

"Oh, very nice. Yep. Totally nice. And it's totally normal to think so."

'Yep, we're both completely normal,' Virgil thought, grabbing the comic and pretending to read.

** Normal in the sense of a boring Saturday afternoon being normal, that is.**

**End **

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Well, that's it. I really love reviews if any of you are feeling generous. Sorry it was so short. Hooray for Static Shock and hugs for everyone!


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